god.is.love

Day 1: “I have carried you since you were born; I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you're old , I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray. I will take care of you. I made you and I will take care of you.”

I am not an accident.

I am here for a purpose. There's a reason behind my existence. He figured out the talents that I would be indowed with. He chose my guardians. He made me this way-- there's a reason why He made me small. He created me because He loves me therefore I should love myself.

Day 2: "God... is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of--- infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes"

Ish driven by guilt. I was wielded by memories. I thought that I had already moved on. I wasn't aware that I am already allowing my past to control me. I was skeptical to turn to God because of my past.

Ish driven by resentment and anger. I was holding the pain caused by traumatic memories for a long time. I forgive but I do not forget. I resent. I was holding on to the pain through bitterness. I didn't realize that it only hurts me. It even injures me more than the person I despise. I continued to fret in my pain.

Up to the present moment I find it difficult to forgive. It was never easy to forgive the people who have betrayed you. I am still in the process of learning the art of forgiveness. It is very difficult but I am trying... I am praying for his healing. I definitely want to be healed.

Ish driven by fear. I am a worrier. I fret a lot. I don't trust myself. I am afraid to go out on my comfort zone because I fear rejection and failure. I've been traumatized by my past. I grew up in an environment where people throw criticisms everywhere. I've been fearful to venture out.

Ish driven by materialism. I thought that if I only have everything that I want to possess, I would be happy. That's why, for me life is unfair! It just wasn't fair!!! "Why are they rich, and I'm not?", "Why do they have that, and I don't?" etc... A lot of whining. I always compare. That's why no matter what I receive, I never get contentment.

Ish driven by the need for approval. I didn't have my own identity. I worry about what other people might think of me. I am controlled by the opinions of others. The pressure is unbearable. I tried to please them the best that I can. I was trying to be someone that I am not.

My parents once said that I am ugly, so I lived my life believing I am ugly. My past boyfriends made me feel cheap and stupid, so I lived thinking I am cheap and stupid. Things like that...

The progress?

He gave me a fresh start. I am living in a "new life" with Him. My life revolves around Him now. It's the relationship I've been waiting for my whole life.

I learned that, if I can't trust myself, I can always count on him. At the same time, he will work on my confidence.

"I am confident because I trust him."

Everything made sense. Now my ultimate goal is to discover my purpose. My life is now focused ONLY on what's essential. He makes me realize what I need and even what I truly want in life!

Now, don't care what other people say about me. If I see them rich, high-maintenanced, or high profile, it doesn't strike me anymore. He satisfies me. I trust him. He has GREATER plans for me. My relationship with Him is my pride and joy. I don't want to lose it.