meaningful.dream

A week ago I had a weird dream. I told myself I’ll give myself a week to decipher the “hidden message” on it. I don’t deem that dream an awful one, although it involves death, because I felt like the dream wants to state something significant to me. This dream I am talking about involves my Dad, an ex-lover, the father of my kid and my son. The “death” connects everyone— there’s only ONE death that happened. My dad died first then the ex-lover came in the picture then the dad of my kid died then it went back to my Dad’s death at the end. My son (Thank God!) didn’t die but he had a big part in that dream, he was with me trying to save “someone” from dying.

That day I was able to tag each as:

My dad – A very important person in my life.
An ex-lover- someone who’s unimportant; don’t want to be remembered at all.
The father of my kid- someone important; someone connected to me; someone I try to forget.
My son- the most important person of all.

In that dream, in my endeavor to save my dad from death, I got burned. I didn’t die but it left a permanent scar; a very ugly scar.

Two days after that, I had a weird dream again. In my dream I got pregnant and I don’t know who the father is. I told my friends about but they shoo away.

Thanks to dreamhawk.com they have the best interpretation of dreams. I was able to decode the message.

· DEATH: Death is an everyday part of life. So dreams often use it to illustrate leaving something behind, such as childhood or a relationship. Also parts of one’s feelings sometimes die. Our love for someone might die for instance, and so our dream illustrates this with a death, perhaps of that person. Some teenagers dream of their parents dying as they start to become independent. This is a form of killing of dependent feelings about their parents as a means of growth. This happens in some relationships too, where we want to break with the person.

What is dead may also depict what is past. It therefore carries traditional experience and wisdom. But in our dream life, death usually holds in it the promise of change or regeneration-rebirth is some way.

- There are things that I am trying to forget, a feeling that I want to die and a feeling that already died.
- It’s already 6 months of being independent from my dad and 2 ½ years of independence from men.

· FATHER Either represents the feelings you have about your father, or the characteristics in your nature that have arisen from this relationship; or can represent an authority figure. Can also stand for a teacher, or person by whom you are much influenced. Or else your own positive, protective qualities. How you relate to the 'doer' in you; physical strength and protectiveness; the will to be.

- My dad represents those things or person I consider very important in my life. This probably includes the people or things that I am taking for granted.
- This dream also wants to put in the picture my personal relationship with God. My dad represents God simply because I look to God as my Father… and I am taking them both for granted. I ran away from them.

· Ex-lover/boyfriend: You have certainly carried feeling with you from the relationship, and your dreams about your ex will try to work out some way of feeling at ease within yourself about the break. This is especially so if difficult or painful emotions were involved. Unless these emotions are freed from your past, they are not available for the present.

- The “unimportant” ex-lover represents my past. Maybe it’s time to let go of ugly memories and start from who I am today so I can see myself differently.
- For me it was funny to see that ex in my dream but probably that dream wants to tell me that my past is not important anymore… that I have to move on, see the present and learn to love myself.

· SON Feelings or worries concerning a son. Growing part of self. Hopes or worries about the future. Your extroverted self; desires connected with self expression; parental responsibility.

Mothers dream: Your ambitions; potential; hopes. It can also represent your marriage. The child is the fruit of the relationship, so can represent the state of the relationship.

- There are issues that I have to give my attention to. I have to leave past hurts, grudges and bad memories behind. I have to focus on my son.
- When you’re a mother, you can’t help but to be paranoid at times. I am a very paranoid mom and I have a lot of fears about my son. Maybe I have to stop dwelling on negative feelings and instead believe that everything will be alright as long as I have Jesus in my life.

· FIRE More than anything else fire represents the process of life. Just as with all living things, fire needs to be fed to remain alive. So a fire burning low could show your life process at low ebb.

Fire can also can depict your burning love, fiery passion, emotional fever, pain or purification. Fire is a tremendous energy that we learn to use even when quite young. So it can refer to how you use powerful emotional energies that can support or destroy. Fire can show an emergency, or a sudden and difficult change.

Like energy in general, fire can warm, produce power, purify, bring about chemical change; or it can consume, destroy, injure, run amuck. It is therefore often used as a symbol for your relationship with your own powerful energies - sex, anger, ambition, fear.

Also fire can stand for suffering of a mental or even physical nature. Or it can depict the destruction some of your feelings, passions or anger can do.

Standing in, or being in flames, can therefore suggest either purification, the burning out of old attitudes or experiences, or deep personal suffering.

- SEX: This probably involves my longing to have someone ; a partner.
- ANGER: My hot tempered state that I should change; destructive.
- AMBITION: My future plans that I am working out right now.
- FEAR: My never ending fears.
- BEING IN FLAMES: My mission; to be an inspiration; to be a better person; to glorify God.
- THE PERMANENT “UGLY” SCAR: Jesus Christ.
- I tried to run away from Him a lot of times already and I always fail to do so. I thought the fire’s already gone as well. The burning desire to be with Him is not present anymore. However, THE WORK IS STILL ON PROGRESS. He is still working on me, trying to change me. I guess He’ll never stop looking after me. I sometimes see the Christian Life “negatively” but no matter what happens I know He will never leave me. If you will have a permanent ugly scar because you tried to save someone’s life, would you be ashamed or proud of that? Probably, that’s how I should see life.

· PREGNANT/PREGNANCY This can point to the development of a new approach to life, a new project you are creating, a new outlet of expression, or new faculty.

If you are not pregnant it is usually about a new area of your potential or personality developing; a deepening relationship with your potential is producing a new area of experience, a new talent or facet of your personality. It is still unborn - i.e. not yet expressed outwardly - but it is developing. It can also show in the drama of the dream, how you are bringing to birth a new scheme or creative idea is 'hatching'.

In a woman's dream: May refer to desire for a child; fear of being pregnant - i.e. in a relationship but not wanting to be pregnant. For a woman being pregnant may depict what is resulting from a relationship with a man she has become deeply involved with.

- A new life or something new, I guess. I have new bunch of friends and a new career in a new environment. I am enjoying it. I guess being independent from Julie is never that bad at all. With her out of the picture, I can clearly SEE myself as I AM not trying to be anyone else. I am trying to live my life on my own. I am trying to work things out no matter how hard it is. Maybe too much dependency doesn’t do me good at all.

who.is.blair.waldorf.

Full name: Blair Cornelia Waldorf

She is the main character from the Gossip Girl book series and television show. She is a privileged young woman born to high society on Manhattan's Upper East Side. She's rich, fabulous, social, smart, looks amazing in anything she wears, and always gets what she wants.

She is a student at the Constance Billard School for Girls, a small, elite, all-girls school located at 93rd and Madison Avenue,She is described to be 5'4" and slender, with beautiful blue eyes and long brunette hair.

Blair is also a hopeless romantic who idolizes Audrey Hepburn, classic movies and upscale traditions, but whose sensitive side often clashes with her tendency to be bitchy and controlling.Blair Waldorf is vain, though her friendship with Serena van der Woodsen causes her to be insecure at times. Perhaps as a result, she has become known as Queen B - using her charm, money and social clout to win people over.

I soooo like her because I see myself in her. I can relate to her fears and insecurities. I so love her “mean” side. We are both perfectionist and I can be so mean at times too. I so love the way they dress. I’d probably be like her 100% if I am that rich... Thanks for my simple life! ;)



Here are my favorite lines of Blair:


“You know, I always knew you were a whore. But I never knew you were a liar.” -- Blair Waldorf


SERENA: "Blair, I don't understand. I thought we were good."BLAIR: "We were. Until I found out you had sex with my boyfriend."
-- Serena van der Woodsen
-- Blair Waldorf


"If you wanna be part of this world, people will talk. Eventually. You need to decide if all this is worth it."
– Blair Waldorf


"Fashion knows not of comfort. All that matters is the face you show the world."
--Blair Waldorf



"Dear Serena,
My world is falling apart and you're the only one that would understand. My father left my mother for a 31 year old model, a male model. I feel like screaming because I don't have anyone to talk to. You're gone, my dad's gone, Nate's acting weird. Where are you? Why don't you call? Why did you leave without saying goodbye, you're suppose to be my best friend, I miss you so much.
Love,
Blair"



"Nothing I can do to you is as bad as what you did to me, but don't think that will stop me from trying."-- Blair Waldorf
"Don't bother saying anything. I wouldn't believe you anyway. "-- Blair Waldorf

"When you get a boyfriend, you become the best friend. And the best friend becomes a second best friend. That's just how it has to be if it's ever gonna work." -- Blair Waldorf


"Whoever said that money doesn't buy happiness didn't know where to shop."-- Blair Waldorf


"I love you Nate, Always Have and Always Will..."-- Blair Waldorf

***************************************
"SERENA: "Blair, wait. Why are you so mad?"
BLAIR: "Why am I mad? You mean, why aren't I furious?! I can't believe for one second I thought that it would be different this time."
SERENA: "You thought what would be different?"
BLAIR: "You couldn't deal with the spotlight shining on me for once, could you?"
SERENA: "What are you talking about? I was told that we were doing this together. What, did you not get my message?"
BLAIR: "What about this morning then? When you glanced at the call sheet, did you see my name on it? When I wasn't in hair and make-up, didn't that seem strange? When the dressing room only had your name on it, what, did you think they just forgot?"
SERENA: "I was told that you were running late, and they asked me to do some test shots first. Blair, they told me you wanted me here."
BLAIR: "And you believed them?"
SERENA: "Look, Blair, I encouraged you to do this. Why would I try to steal something from you that I pushed you to do?"
BLAIR: "Because you take everything from me! Nate, my mom!"
SERENA: "Blair!"
BLAIR: "You can't even help it. It's who you are. I just thought that maybe this time it would be different. I should have known I'd be wrong.""




How to be like Blair Waldorf ?

Visit http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Like-Blair-Waldorf
^^

empty.space

“Maybe the bitterness is okay to stay. Maybe it’s all we have left, aside from memories. Maybe being bitter is the only way I can move on... because without bitterness, we’d all just martyrs, silently haunted and secretly torn apart.”

I asked God to give me “time” to think about this.. He consistently gives me storms every now and then and eventually, I got tired of it.

Why the heck are you doing this to me?

I got used to her special treatment and presence. Everytime she’s not around I always get confused about life, about God’s existence, etc. I’m like a baby, always longing for her mom. Spoonfed. Pampered with so much love. Spoiled. She’s the greatest blessing next to my son... She’s the nicest person I met. I got confused to the point where I doubt God’s love for me.

I came to a point where it’s like the world is pushing me down to my knees... She kept on telling me to be strong and to be patient. I listened. I tried to listen even though I find it hard to do so. She was always available to talk to. She patiently hears my complaints. Sometimes, I know that she also gets tired of me but she chooses to stay and watch me grow.

I miss her.

While I was in grief and in terrible misery, she was there happy with her family. While I was in desperation, she was there in-love with her Mr. Moon. While I was experiencing financial problems, she was there enjoying her work, getting paid more than what she needs.

Now tell me, is God fair?
Does He want me to be like her?
I can never be like her. That’s the point.

Now, tell me, can you blame me if she’d been an OBJECT for comparison?
She may have problems but those problems can never be worse than mine. She may have imperfections, but those imperfections can never be uglier than mine. She may have past hurts but those hurts can never as painful like mine.

Now tell me, is God fair?

I don’t really know how I got to the point where I had to compare my life to hers. She’s my friend and I should be happy for her. She loves me and I am completely confident that she wouldn’t want to compete with me. Why should I hurt someone like her?

Envy. Desperation. Jealousy. Confusion. Comparison. Misery. Unhappiness. Discontentment.

A lot of things, right? Unlike her, I don’t have a Christian Family who can support me. Unlike her, I don’t have a family whom I can rely on. I only have my son-- a 4 year old kid who’s too innocent to see how the world can be good and cruel at the same time. It seems like, no matter what I do God himself is never satisfied.
Does He want me to be like her?

I’ll repeat... I can NEVER be like her.

It was a very hard decision to detach my life to hers but I believed that was the best thing to do. I can never be at peace as long as she’s a part of my life.

It’s like, I can never have the lead role in a movie as long as she exists. She always gets the big part. I’m always the miserable one. Everybody loves her. She’s the happy one and I’m the shy and aloof one. Every guy likes her. I’m very envious of that. I don’t want to continue comitting sin by always having bad thought about her. It’s toxic being envious with a friend. When I found out she already have a boyfriend I got scared. That’s the problem when a person treats you very special--- when you get used to it, you can’t get it out of your system anymore. I guess, she made a mistake when she chose to love me.

So before it’s too late, before I hurt her more I decided to END whatever we have. It was a foolish thing to do but that’s the only way I know...

It’s the only way I know.

I’m on vacation. I haven’t been attending worship services for 2 weeks now. I can’t face Him. I have a huge “TAMPO” on Him and I’m not used to go to Sunday services alone...

*tears*

I know I can do this. It’s just sooooo damn painful. I miss her . However, the advantage of not having her is that I can feel that I HAVE MY OWN LIFE... and I’m the main character. I’m trying to find my own identity in Christ. I still believe in God, that’s the good news. I want to believe that someday I will also find my happy ending... that I will also feel that I am a real princess. I want to learn to love myself because that’s probably the reason why I can’t love someone as nice and kind as Her. I want to learn to love myself because that may be the only way I can face life patiently.

She had a BIG part in my heart but now that she’s gone, there’s an empty space to fill.
I just want to let her know that I’m sorry and that the love will always be there. It’s just that I chose to empty that “space” for now probably because she had the bigger part than my love for myself.

So God, Help me Love myself.

"Letting go is just another way to say I'll always love you so ..."

no.regets.

Everybody has a give-up story. There will come a time when we need to give up something good in order to gain something better. Julie said that God cannot give us something if our Hands our full. It’s true. Leaving Eperformax was not that easy. You can never find a job like that anywhere else here in the Philippines. I was in my innest comfort zone there. The job was so easy and half of the day we’re just sleeping, eating on the floor and talking to each other. IP culture is the best. I will never forget the People.

It’s also true that when little miracles happen, we see God’s glory. Getting the job at JPMC is a miracle. I can’t believe I passed the bloody interview. However, the very moment I signed up for JPMC I knew that I’ll have to give up something big. Compromising my Part-time job was the hardest thing to do. I’ll lose a big part of my income. It’s like I lost 60% of what I have in my hands. So I tried to reflect and tried to throw away any doubts.

I knew I am here for a purpose.
I remember I prayed the Prayer of Jabez for a week prior to my interview.

(And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying,

"Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain."

So God granted him what he requested.)


“Oh, that You would bless me indeed,”

He did. Like Julie said, we are extremely blessed and highly favored. God continuously gives WHAT I NEED. Believe me, this isn’t what I wanted. What I wanted was for IP to be extended. What I wanted was to retain my part-time job. I was waiting for a miracle but I was blessed with something even better. I may have lost IP and my part-time but I gained simply what’s best for me. I may not have the same income now but I never felt this FULL my whole life. I’m telling you, there’s so much more to life than Money.

“…and enlarge my territory,”

He did. He gave me a big project. I’m here for a REASON.
- That I should learn to be contented with what I have by all means.
- That I should learn to ask for wisdom and use the gift He has given me.
- That I am on a mission.
- That this is God’s will.
- That I should learn to trust Him. That I should “WALK BY FAITH and NOT BY SIGHT”
- That I will start to be a mature Christian who will LEAD by example.
- That it’s time to get out of my shell. J
- That I am here… simply to GLORIFY HIM.

“…that Your hand would be with me,”

He is always with us... never walking away and never leaving our side. I am being guided. He was there with me during the “bloody interview”. Althought it was so clear that God wants me there, I never felt any confidence at all that I’ll get the job. And so, while I was waiting to be interviewed, all I can utter was “I can’t do this without You. Speak for me.” Because I know he was there.
I may not have the self-confidence that most people have but as I always say, my confidence is HIM alone.

There’s MORE to life than money guys. Money can get me to school… to get my dream job… to get my dream house… my dream camera… my dream vacation… but that’s it.

JESUS can give MORE to that.

This is a life lived with SIMPLICITY, FAITH, CONTENTMENT, HAPPINESS, SECURITY AND SO ON.
A life lived with Jesus.

COMPLETE. From A-Z. Or BEYOND what you can imagine.

hurting.heart

"Lord God, help me... overcome this struggle.
Whatever it is..."

Painful. I don't want this heart.

new.road.to.take

Just last week, we found out that our account (IP RELAY) will be closing this August. We were actually hoping that it will be extended or renewed because there were new trainees for the account. I had a lot of plans. My son will go to school next year and I plan to study CISCO this coming October.

It is stressful because it's hard to find another job like IP RELAY. The job is very easy and the pay is really good. Most of us have families... plans... dreams.

I remember, it was just last saturday when I was very confused. I am not worried, I am confused. I didn't know what road to take. There are of jobs waiting out there for me. It's also not easy to leave your friends. It's never easy to adjust and adapt in a new environment. We're all back to zero.

So, I prayed hard. I tried to think of ways the best that I can. I can't waste my time worrying about it. I have to accept it and do what I have to do. I prayed hard. I surrendered everything to God. I just put in mind that whatever is happening right now has a reason. I am in good hands. If I can't trust myself or the situation, I can always TRUST God, that way I know I will never be disappointed.


As a Christian, accepting challenges should be the foundation of my life experiences and something I should do with confidence. Sometimes, it's just hard to be confident. I don't know if I can surpass this but, I know, I am in good hands...

I trust my Father...

...and I am hoping that I still have Julie.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,

and I, will give you rest..."

c.as.in.christ

Let’s talk about Consistency...


"Consistency is the foundation of virtue." - Francis Bacon

"Look to make your course regular, that men may know beforehand what they may expect." - Francis Bacon

"Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." - Bernard Berenson

"Consistency, madam, is the first of Christian duties." - Charlotte Bronte

"No well-informed person ever imputed inconsistency to another for changing his mind." - Marcus T. Cicero

"My goal in sailing isn't to be brilliant or flashy in individual races, just to be consistent over the long run." - Dennis Conner


Are you consistent?

ONLY God is consistent in my life. No one ever loved me as unconditional as HIM. He's my only BESTFRIEND. There's no one in this Earth who truly appreciates me except Him. It's hard to love someone WHO IS NOT CONSISTENT. I'd rather stick to God. He will never disappoint you.

reflection.of.a.lost.child

I am a complete failure.

I am sorry if I always disappoint you. You once told me, I am a work in progress. Why do I feel like nothing is making sense? I am distressed about what’s happening to my faith right now. I am disoriented. I feel defenseless.


Just like a child who wants to run away from home.
I want to run away… again.

I am a failure.

In spite of your warnings, I never thought that it will be this hard.

Help me. This is the only time that I’ll say, I NEED YOU. I value your patience. I am in my weakest point again. I don’t know what to do. I am tired of begging for pardon. I am ashamed of myself. I feel like I am not worthy to receive Him anymore. How long will I be like this?

I am a complete failure.


I am so sorry.



“Father, I need you. Give me the PATIENCE and WISDOM to overcome this struggle. I am sorry if I always upset you. I am sorry if I always give you headaches. You know me. You know what’s in my heart. You know what I want. You are just. Why do I have to encounter this? You permit such, right?

If I question your love, it is simply because I am starting to lose hope. Sometimes, I just don’t understand your ways. I am sorry if until now I am still a failure. You know I do not want life without you. Why such tests?

I surrender. You are far way BIGGER than my struggles. I surrender. I am too weak to defeat this. ..”

mubing.on

WARNING: Dumarating sa buhay ng isang tao ang "kakornihan". Ako po ay korni pa-minsan minsan. Baliw sa pag-ibig. Ako po ay nakapag-desisyon na aking kakalimutan na ang taong ito...

Sino siya? SECRET. Ang Diyos lang po ang nakaka- ALAM. Sinubukan ko man ilihim kaso, ALAM NIYA. Obyus daw. Humingi ako ng tulong. Hindi ko gusto ang aking nararamdaman. Una, hindi karapat dapat na mahulog ako sa taong ito. Pangalawa, maling umibig ako sa taong ito. At, pangatlo, alam ko masasaktan lang ako. Isang araw, ako ay nabatukan. Ako ay naliwanagan. Ako ay napakinggan. Pero bago mag-wakas ang aking kabaliwan, eto nag handog kong himig sa taong iyun... itago nalang natin siya sa pangalang... "SISIW".

Opo. Kung minsan, baduy din po ako. Sensya na.

(Kung di kaya ng powers mo, kumanta ka nalang, isipin mo nalang... nag lyrics search ka)


Baby you'll soon forget about all/ or maybe you'll miss it like I do/ One thing’s for sure I’m on a doubt, spend too much time thinkin’ of you/ And I can't get you out of my dreams/ Now I know that you're the dangerous kind/ And your smile is tattooed on my mind/ And I can't get you out of my dreams/ Don't wanna write, I don't wanna call, I would not know what to say/ It should be you/ That’s how I want it to be/ Tell me you feel the same way/ And I can't get you out of my dreams/ Now know that you're a danger first kind/ And your smile is tattooed on my mind/ And I can't get you out of my dreams...oh!/ Oh, Yesterday, I was feelin' safe, oh All I do today is tryin’ to be BRAVE/ and no melody can seem to suit my mind...and now I curse you for being so sweet and so kind/ And I can't get you out of my dreams/ Now I know that you're a dangerous kind/ And your face is tattooed on my mind/ And I can't get you out of my dreams../Yes I know you're tattooed/ On my mind you're tattooed
(Tattoed On My Mind, D'Sound)


Kinaya mo ba? Haha. Kyut lang ang nakakagawa nito. Gumaya ka na.

Sumapi. Maniwala. i-teks HESUS to 2366.

life.is.short

Day 6: “When life gets tough, when you're overwhelmed with doubt, or when you wonder if living for Christ is worth the effort, remember that you are not home yet. At death you won't leave home-- you'll go home.” (PDL, Rick Warren)

“I am here on earth for a little while” Psalm 119:19

Life is short. We should live life to the full. Living life to the full means living life with Jesus.

My family strongly thinks that going to the US is the answer for everything. I grew up dreaming to work abroad. A few years ago, I stopped taking chances to go to other countries to work. I realized that the comfort of living with your family in your own country can't be equated with the comfort of earning a lot of money in the US. There's no place like home. I am the only one that my son has. I cannot compromise that for the sake of money. So, I started to work hard. I build dreams with the hope that I will be successful in my own country.

When I became a Christian, I've learned deeper about citizenship matters. I've learned that wherever I go, I will always experience discrimination, difficulties, struggles, pains and problems. "This world is not my home." Earth is just a school and nobody wants to stay in school for the rest of his/her life.

For some people, they find it difficult to accept. For them, it makes you think that material abundance is not important, so they stopped reading the book. It gives lesser value to money. I admit that it crossed my mind too. I had a lot of questions about that too.

However, later on, I've learned that God doesn't want us to forget our dreams nor stop working for a living. I believe He just wants us to be more comfortable with our Faith in Him rather than being cozy with what we possess on Earth.

"We fix our eyes NOT on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

He created everything. He gave people the intellect to build houses, cars, money etc. He created our longings. Why would he limit those to us? He created such desires for material wealth for us to turn to Him. He wants us to include HIM in our plans. He is our provider and He wants to give us the best. He is our father. Everything will be given to us if we seek Him.

Life is a test, remember? He is always testing us. If we forget to thank Him when we received a blessing, He would not be pleased. He wants us to have a good life here on Earth but there's a great purpose behind that.

As for me, I am excited to receive my crowns. I will be rewarded with crowns in heaven and those crowns are eternal treasures. He promised us rewards in eternity. All we have to do is focus on His promises and not on temporary crowns. We are created for something MUCH better. The fact that we have Jesus in our lives makes us abundant already.

"It takes FAITH to live on Earth"

i.believe.in.love

"I believe in Love"
by Barlow Girls

How long will my prayers seem unanswered?/ Is there still faith in me to reach the end?/ I'm feeling doubt/ I'm losing faith /But giving up would cost me everything /So I'll stand in the pain and silence /And I'll speak to the dark night /I believe in the sun even when it's not shining /I believe in love even when I don't feel it /And I believe in God even when He is silent /And I, I believe /Though I can't see my stories ending /That doesn't mean the dark night has no end / It's only here that I find faith /And learn to trust the one who writes my days /So I'll stand in the pain and silence/ And I'll speak to the dark night I believe in the sun even when it's not shining/I believe in love even when I don't feel it/And I believe in God even when He is silent/And I, I believe No dark can consume / Light No death greater than this lifeWe are not forgotten/ Hope is found when we say/ Even when He is silent /I believe in the sun even when it's not shining /I believe in love even when I don't feel it/ And I believe in God even when He is silent/ And I, I believe...

jesus.

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Who can miss an event like this?! I had sooooooooo much fun and I've learned a lot. Sabi nga nila, "The Day That Will Last a Lifetime". It was 100x fulfilling than pyrolympics!

Things I've learned today:
1. I will never be intimated anymore or be hesitant to share the word of God.
2. Living life to the FULL means living life with JESUS. ----------------------- J E S U S period. He is ALL YOU NEED!
3. NO AIR, no life. NO JESUS, no life. HE IS LIFE. If you have to have a life then put Jesus in your life!
4. Maintain your good relationship with Jesus. Glorify him every single day.

John 14:21 “Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.”

life.on.earth

Day 5: "God keeps his promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, he will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out."

Life is a test and a trust.

What is your life?

I see my life as a battle. You take part into combats every now and then. You win, you survive. It is full of cargos. I whine. I have a lot of grievances about life. Given that I view it like that, I was unmindful that how I picture life "affects" me. My pessimistic sentiment towards things was caused by wrong convictions.

I am a person who's afraid to take risks. I just hate to accept the fact that the only constant thing here on earth is change. I want terrible things to vanish or change, not good things.

Life on earth is a test. I am under supervision. I am always being tested. He watches me 24/7. He has his eyes on me. He watches my reactions to problems. He continuously watches my response to every situation, good or bad. In the book, it states there that, we are being tested by major changes, delayed promises, unanswered prayers or undeserved criticism. So true. In a very short span of time, I've been assessed in all angles.

When you finally understand that life is a test, you will start to look at your problems as invocations. You will start to be very responsive even with the smallest occurrence in your life. You will start to value life, and you will see things in a different way. Every day is a significant day. Every difficulty turns to be a blessing.

Life on earth is a trust. God owns everything. He provided everything we possess. I owe everything to him, including my life and the life of my son. Hence, I have to take the best care of it. God tests us also to see how trustworthy we are. He also watches how we deal with our finances. He expects a lot from those who have been given much. Everything has a purpose.

He wants me to be responsible.

My conclusion;

"I am a wonderful person; therefore, my life is wonderful!"

Faith in God = Positive Thinking ^^

Psalm 23
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love
will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

between.me.and.god

Day 4: "When this tent we live in-- our body here on earth--- is torn down, God will have a house in heaven for us to live in, a home he himself has made, which will last forever."

Father, thank you for that promise, I do not fear my own death anymore. I desire to be with you. In your arms there's refuge, a promise of an eternal love. I want to go home. Your promises give me strength to carry on.


Jonah’s Disobedience 04/18/08 (Jonah 1:6)

The word of the LORD came to Jonah the son of Amittai saying, 2 “Arise, go to Nineveh the great city and cry against it, for their wickedness has come up before Me.” 3 But Jonah rose up to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the LORD. So he went down to Joppa, found a ship which was going to Tarshish, paid the fare and went down into it to go with them to Tarshish from the presence of the LORD.

Like Jonah, I tried to run away from God but we both failed.

I've been very stubborn. I keep on running away. I am very "matampuhin".

4 The LORD hurled a great wind on the sea and there was a great storm on the sea so that the ship was about to break up.

So, what God does is... He uses people or circumstances to have our love back. He allows hitches in our lives just for us to go back to Him. That's how much He LOVES us. Walang kawala... He gives us storms, he uses people and sometimes, he disables us.

"Even if you disobey, God still has His way."

Just when you assumed you lost him, He is finding a way to get us back to him. Just like how a Shepard will take care of a lost sheep. He will break its leg, carry it and bring it back to where it belongs.

JB, I now understand why He took you away from me...

Just last week (when you left me), my dreams became so vivid. I discovered what I truly wanted to do. I felt really excited about it! I made plans... I pictured out my life. However, there's a problem. A big problem . I just ran away from my father, my provider and my greatest encourager.

Instantly, it didn't make any sense. He used someone to make me realize what my passion is-- to make me realize that I need Him... That without him life is worthless. I felt really scared about how my life is going to be without Him.

He also allowed emptiness and loneliness to fill my heart. I was so heart broken, so He knew that I would turn to Him...

Isolation. Depression. I've been in a complete darkness. I felt so alone.

So, I made a remarkable "U-turn".

All of a sudden, it was just ME and God.

I felt His presence. He wants the 100% of my being, my attention, friendship and love.

He didn't give up on me...

I was touched by his GREAT love.

"Lord, I repent. You own everything. I need you. I love you. You are my provider. You are my Father. I surrender my life to you. I trust in you. Your plans for me are greater than mine... Thy will be done Lord."

god.is.love

Day 1: “I have carried you since you were born; I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you're old , I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray. I will take care of you. I made you and I will take care of you.”

I am not an accident.

I am here for a purpose. There's a reason behind my existence. He figured out the talents that I would be indowed with. He chose my guardians. He made me this way-- there's a reason why He made me small. He created me because He loves me therefore I should love myself.

Day 2: "God... is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of--- infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes"

Ish driven by guilt. I was wielded by memories. I thought that I had already moved on. I wasn't aware that I am already allowing my past to control me. I was skeptical to turn to God because of my past.

Ish driven by resentment and anger. I was holding the pain caused by traumatic memories for a long time. I forgive but I do not forget. I resent. I was holding on to the pain through bitterness. I didn't realize that it only hurts me. It even injures me more than the person I despise. I continued to fret in my pain.

Up to the present moment I find it difficult to forgive. It was never easy to forgive the people who have betrayed you. I am still in the process of learning the art of forgiveness. It is very difficult but I am trying... I am praying for his healing. I definitely want to be healed.

Ish driven by fear. I am a worrier. I fret a lot. I don't trust myself. I am afraid to go out on my comfort zone because I fear rejection and failure. I've been traumatized by my past. I grew up in an environment where people throw criticisms everywhere. I've been fearful to venture out.

Ish driven by materialism. I thought that if I only have everything that I want to possess, I would be happy. That's why, for me life is unfair! It just wasn't fair!!! "Why are they rich, and I'm not?", "Why do they have that, and I don't?" etc... A lot of whining. I always compare. That's why no matter what I receive, I never get contentment.

Ish driven by the need for approval. I didn't have my own identity. I worry about what other people might think of me. I am controlled by the opinions of others. The pressure is unbearable. I tried to please them the best that I can. I was trying to be someone that I am not.

My parents once said that I am ugly, so I lived my life believing I am ugly. My past boyfriends made me feel cheap and stupid, so I lived thinking I am cheap and stupid. Things like that...

The progress?

He gave me a fresh start. I am living in a "new life" with Him. My life revolves around Him now. It's the relationship I've been waiting for my whole life.

I learned that, if I can't trust myself, I can always count on him. At the same time, he will work on my confidence.

"I am confident because I trust him."

Everything made sense. Now my ultimate goal is to discover my purpose. My life is now focused ONLY on what's essential. He makes me realize what I need and even what I truly want in life!

Now, don't care what other people say about me. If I see them rich, high-maintenanced, or high profile, it doesn't strike me anymore. He satisfies me. I trust him. He has GREATER plans for me. My relationship with Him is my pride and joy. I don't want to lose it.

the.calling

Day 1: "It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eyes on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone."


Everything I'll do, I will do it for the Lord. I will do things that will glorify him. It's my goal to finally discover his purpose for me. I've never felt this good, contented, important, special and complete. He spoils me like a 2 year old kid. He gives all my needs. He supports me with everything! He never fails to amaze me.

This book (PDL, R. Warren) is one of my blessings. Thank you Judit!

JB once asked me, "What made you smile today?" I paused for like an hour and can't think of anything at all. *Laughs*

Oftentimes, we don't realize that those we consider "simple things" makes a BIG difference in our lives.

So, here are the things that made me smile today:
- The high speed internet connection (w/out it I can't set up this blog)
- The YM audible who laughs hilariously. (see audibles-> insults)
- Deion's good mood this morning (whew! it's hard to compromise with him)
- My favorite sinigang. (Yum!)
- My student who said he doesn't like school because it's boring. (I agree...)
- Judit's stories and her talent to "act" them up. (the best!)

When I received Jesus, everything made sense. I started to appreciate my life. I started to see how beautiful it is. I used to complain about life being soooooo unfair. I experienced feeling empty with no reason at all.

One day, I found myself crying asking God a lot of "WHY?" questions. I actually hated him. I have no bestfriend... Not even one single loyal friend... My parents abandoned me... I never had a boyfriend who took me seriously... I am not rich... He made me a single mom... etc.

I'll tell you this... He was there. He was listening while I was questioning him. He was there when I felt empty. He stayed beside me when I hated him. He was there with me when I was crying. He was there. He did not turn away from me. He made "a way" to bring me close to Him. He answered my questions.

"Me", He said.

He was the answer to all my questions.

He wants me to befriend him. He's the perfect bestfriend. He is my Father, and even if my parents forsake me, he will never forget me. He's the perfect parent. I don't need a man to make me happy or complete me. He's the perfect lover. My son is the perfect gift.

This is how special I am. My life changed. He changed it. I've learned that life isn't unfair with Jesus in your life. You just have to receive him. As I've said, it's all about HIM. It's not about ME.

purpose.driven.life

This is my Journey.

"You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in You."
-Isaiah 26:3


I pray that You, Lord God, will give me the Spirit of Wisdom and revelation so that I may know YOU better...


because...

at the end of each day, it will always be ALL about You Lord.

i.love.you

I love you Lord God.

Thank you for being a Perfect Father.

You overwhelm me with your Love.

"Show me Your ways, Oh Lord.
Teach me Your Paths;
Guide me in Your Truth and teach me.
For YOU are God, My Savior
and my hope if in You all day long..."
-Psalm 25:4-5